It’s the end of the work day, and I’m sitting here listening to Patsy Cline and sipping on a Bailey’s Irish creme, two of my mother’s favorite things to do, especially when she was sad or upset.
I have finally come to the sad conclusion that my parent’s family is beyond repair. My younger brother and I have a contentious relationship to say the least, and his son has made it clear to me that there will be no reconciliation. In the meantime my older brother is struggling to stay in reality. All three of us have serious health issues, and while that seems to bring some families together it has done nothing for us. Add to that the fact that this dysfunction now seems to be carrying on with the next generation. I can only imagine how disappointed my parents would be with this. Not that my parents were all that innocent themselves, but at least they knew how to reconcile, a lesson that seems to be lost on the rest of us. I can tell you this, there are no innocent parties involved here, myself included. And from my perspective, that’s part of the problem, as some people can’t or won’t acknowledge their responsibility in all of this.
So, why am I blogging about my family’s heartache for the world to see? It’s really this simple, whether it’s a personal or work relationship, be careful not to be too quick to call an end to it. The further down that path you go, the harder it is to reverse course, and at some point it just takes too much energy and effort to right the ship. I have decided that I’m at that point now, and whatever happens, happens. This is not so much a defeatist attitude as one of self preservation of my physical and mental health. But once you make that decision, use your past mistakes as a learning experience and try your best to not repeat them in the future, all the while remembering not to let anyone make you think less of yourself for not living up to their expectations.
I can’t walk away from my older brother, nor would I as he needs help on a regular basis, and my wife and I have made that commitment to him. But what do you do once you realize that your immediate family is so splintered that you may never see some of them again?? In my case I ask God for his forgiveness for words said and actions taken, and then I ask him to send His healing grace down to all of my family & friends that are battling illness, that He comfort them in their hour of need, and that He strengthen them for whatever lies ahead of them.
Life is too short for all of this nonsense and you have to seek out happiness where you can find it. For me that means spending time with people who love me in spite of myself. In the long run you will a better person, and isn’t that what we all strive for?
Families are a unique and defining part of our lives, and when you’re young and growing up you can’t imagine a life without them. Time can be a harsh mistress which adds to your life while at the same time subtracting from it. For me the key to a successful life is to have more additions than subtractions before the eventual zero sum is reached, an eventuality that none of us can escape from. Once you realize that everything in this world is temporary, including yourself, it changes your perspective and priorities. I thank God for giving me this clarity, and with such I hope it will lead to His wisdom. Hopefully with Faith and some luck I will receive His Amazing Grace as well.
Thank you for your patience in reading this. It’s not my normal blog, but I felt I had to reduce it to writing, if for no other reason than to recognize the current situation for what it is as opposed to what I would hope it to be.
Well look at that, my glass of Bailey’s is empty, time to bring this to a close.
Cheers Mom, and please tell Dad I said hi!